i’ll love you forever…

It’s a month of celebrating. Birthdays, anniversaries, and even a wedding. It’s a month of anxiously awaiting the day I get to cleave myself to my soul mate and say, “I DO.”

It’s also a month of sadness and memories.

My grandfather suddenly passed away this past weekend, and the lingering sound of tears can still be heard in my heart.

At first I was heartbroken. Heartbroken for my dad first and foremost, for losing his daddy; for losing the man who raised him to be the strong, confident, humble individual he is today. I was heartbroken hearing his words of grief, seeing his sobs, holding him tight. I’d never seen my father that vulnerable, that exposed; it wrenched the very depths of my being. I was heartbroken for myself, struggling with the newness of loss and a life gone. Never had this happened to me. My soul struggled to cope.

The heartbreak eased slowly, though, and I eventually was merely sad….then calm….then….happy?

I’m happy because now he no longer suffers. I’m happy because the cycle of life continues. Death, then life….a new life…for myself and Chris. My family can now come together at the end of this month and witness a marriage between two souls, one stemming from the life my grandfather started. I’m happy because this marriage symbolizes joy and faith. Joy in the celebration of love, and faith that God provides and sustains, even in the midst of pain.

It’s a beautiful thing to see heartbreak and healing all woven into the same thread.

My grandpa was a wonderful, beautiful man. He lived a full life. He was a provider, a father, and most of all a husband.

I will always carry my grandfather in my heart, and every once in a while, when the feeling strikes, I may just slip on that old fedora of his that I now own, and proudly carry on a little bit of his style too. 🙂

hearts and hugs,

B.