an ode to opposites…

The other day, my sister, the lovely Pammie lambie (nickname shout out!), sent me this tribute to the English language that was too cute not to share. It definitely had me thinking about how wonky our language really is! No wonder English is one of the hardest languages to learn….makes me slightly more relieved to be an American! 🙂

So, put on your British accent, sip a cup o’ tea, and enjoy this jaunty homage to the idiocracy of speech!

An ode of English Plural
 
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
 But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
 One fowl is a goose, but two are called  geese,
 Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
 You  may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
 Yet the plural  of house is houses, not hice.
 
If the plural of man is  always called men,
 Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called  pen?
 If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
 And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
 If one is a  tooth and a whole set are teeth,
 Why shouldn’t the plural of  booth be called beeth?
 
Then one may be that, and there would be those,
 Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
 And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
 We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
 But though we say mother, we  never say methren.
 Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
 But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
 There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
 neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
 English  muffins weren’t invented in England. 
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
 we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
 and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
 
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing,
 grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
 Doesn’t it seem crazy that  you can make amends but not one amend?
 If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
 
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
 If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up  speaking English
 should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
 
In what other language do people recite  at a play and play at a recital?
 We ship by truck but send  cargo by ship…
 We have noses that run and feet that  smell.
 We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
 And  how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
 while a  wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
 
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
 in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
 in which you fill in a form by  filling it out,  and
 in which an alarm goes off by going  on.
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop? 

cheers!

hearts and hugs,

B.

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Comments

  1. Looove it. I have to share. 🙂

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