a dream is a wish {my} heart makes…

Lately I’ve come to realize that the word complacent is really just a fancified word for stagnant. Our society is so hell bent on remaining “happy and shiny” that we replace cringe-worthy words with a more palate-cleansing option. For instance: spirited has replaced stubborn, interesting is sometimes used for “boring-me-out-of-my-mind”, and quaint, when in reference to a house, usually means small.

My own life has decidedly become stagnant. I’m in a bit of a rut. For quite some time, I was moving and shaking, taking on new things, keeping myself busy. When you are in college, this type of lifestyle is very much the norm. Your time is constantly filled with classes, extra-curricular activities, socials, friends, etc. For me, especially with the addition of playing soccer for the university, my days started with 8am classes, and ended with my tired head hitting the pillow at midnight. I was on the go, and I loved it. After college, the trend continued. I moved from school to working at Pine Cove, where my day now started at 6 am instead of 8, and once again, didn’t end till my tired (and now dirty…I mean, I was in the woods, people!) head hit the pillow at midnight, or later…depending on the day. From Pine Cove, I moved into a job at a sports training facility, working 60+ hours a week, 6 days a week. When I wasn’t working, I was exploring a new church, re-building a base of friends around me. My life heart beat was going a mile a minute, as if I was on a metaphorical treadmill with the speed set to SPRINT!

After I was let go from the job from hell, my pace slowed WAY down. It was as if I had hit the emergency STOP button on the treadmill. I began to trip over myself as my body tried to readjust to the new tempo. Thankfully, unemployment only lasted a month, and once again, I was able to hit the ground running.

My stride had changed, however, and I noticed my pace had slowed. I was no longer sprinting, but striding along with an easier gait. My work schedule had dropped to a 40 hour work week, I was settling in to a new group of friends, and was finally getting a groove. Life wasn’t easier, but it was MUCH less hectic. Now, I’ve turned my stride on autopilot. My treadmill is set to manual; I’m running on a flat course. My life has become stagnant.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE some of the things I do! I’ve got a great group of friends, I am involved in my church with various commitments, I’ve gotten to experience new and exciting things…..but there hasn’t been a big change.

Growing up I was always told to dream big, to reach for greater things. I had visions of becoming so much: a doctor, a news reporter, a book editor. Of course, ALL these things are possible, but somewhere along the way, I lost my drive to achieve. In college, people always ask you, “What do you want to do after you graduate?” It is a wonderful feeling to know that you have the world at your hands, that you can choose whatever profession your heart desires. Of course, AFTER college, and after you choose your profession, THAT is when the monotony can set in. You realize that dreams also need to come with a side of reality, and that you can’t be as free and uninhibited as you once were in college. Bills need to be paid, food needs to be bought, and since when did gas cost so much money? 🙂

My monotonous life has caused me to question my talents, to undermine my life goals. I have become stagnant, sitting around like a stale pool of water, unaffected by the world around me.

Recently, though, desires have been rekindled. I’ve begun to realize that you can dream no matter WHAT stage of life you are in, and all it takes to stir up my stagnant waters is a small pebble of hope.

Therefore, I’m reexamining my life. I’m breaking the dam on my stagnant self to allow the waters to flow.

There is never a wrong time to dream!

hearts and hugs,

B.

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Comments

  1. i live to create, what do you live to __________?
    🙂

  2. hmmmm…..i WISH that i lived to travel!

    or shop….haha

    🙂

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